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What’s Better Than Planet Unicorn?

Posted By Ryan Roschke On Mar 11, 2012 @ 9:25 pm In Sandbox | Comments Disabled

Listen, we know what you’re thinking and we’re thinking it too: mythological creatures have been so underappreciated lately. They used to be the talk of the town, and now they’ve just sort of fallen to the wayside. But never fear! We’ve been brainstorming ways to get them back into the limelight (where they belong). So let’s all imagine for a second. What if the biggest (or lamest [1], in Stanfurd’s case) universities in California had mythological mascots?! We know, we’re really excited too.

Let’s start with a few obvious choices as a warm-up: UC Davis [2] and UC Santa Barbara [3].

The UC Davis Garden Gnomes


Let’s be real. If the biggest draws for your university are agricultural superiority and grey squirrels, there’s not a more fitting mascot. They’re pretty fashionable looking though, if we do say so ourselves. Plus, isn’t Davis pretty much in the middle of nowhere? Those garden gnomes need plenty of space to frolic freely, and Davis has an expansive supply of sprawling fields of flowers (at least we think it does, we don’t usually go inland that far).

The UC Santa Barbara Mermaids


On the most basic level, UC Santa Barbara is the beach college, so mermaids are an obvious choice. Also, the beauty of mermaids mirrors the notorious SoCal superficiality. In mythological tradition, mermaids aren’t like the beautiful red-headed Ariel [4], who has a heart of gold. Instead, mermaids would lure sailors to their death [5] with their beauty. And let’s just say, with UCSB’s reputation, whatever the beautiful UCSB Mermaids inflict on you is liable to leave you itching injured.

Next up, it’s our favorite Bay Area(ish) sister!

The UC Santa Cruz Satyrs


It just kind of makes sense for some reason. The scruffy rugged legs of the satyr, the big beard, it all seems to fit in quite nicely with the general feel that Santa Cruz [6] exudes. Plus, this satyr has a beanie, so it’s extra appropriate. Let’s leave him alone, though guys. His pink eyes are making us think he’s pretty tired from a long week of … studying. And doing artful things.

And finally, we have the two universities you’ve been waiting for: Cal and Stanfurd.

The Stanfurd Bridge Trolls


Yes, that’s right, our little malicious, South Bay rivals are nothing but a bunch of nose-picking, snot-colored bridge trolls. Okay, we’d be lying if we said we didn’t pour a little bias into this one. But come on, Stanfurd [7] is such a troll. Plus, they literally live south of all of the Bay Area bridges, so if you add in a dash of word play, it almost makes sense. Also, the actual Stanfurd mascot is a TREE [8], and we all know that’s a big troll on the mascot community. So, we’re going to let this one “stick.”

The UC Berkeley Pegasus Unicorns


Last but not least, the one and only, the University of California. We’re so bad ass, we’re a unicorn and a pegasus all in one. That’s right. We’ve mastered the ground and the air. And also, we have a campanile [9] for our horn, which is bigger [10] than any other campanile horn (especially the Stanfurd Trolls’). So don’t mess with us, because we’ll probably fly around a lot and then trample you in a fit of sheer rage.

That’s all folks! Stay tuned, there may or may not be a second edition in the future …

Image sources: original artwork by Ryan Roschke, Daily Cal

Article printed from The Daily Clog: http://clog.dailycal.org

URL to article: http://clog.dailycal.org/2012/03/11/whats-better-than-planet-unicorn/

URLs in this post:

[1] lamest: http://clog.dailycal.org/2011/11/16/yet-another-reason-why-cal-trumps-stanford/

[2] UC Davis: http://www.ucdavis.edu/

[3] UC Santa Barbara: http://www.ucsb.edu/

[4] Ariel: http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Ariel---Flounder-the-little-mermaid-223085_1280_1024.jpg

[5] lure sailors to their death: http://theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/jeffereythomas.jpg

[6] Santa Cruz: http://www.ucsc.edu/

[7] Stanfurd: http://clog.dailycal.org/2010/10/19/another-way-to-beat-stanford/

[8] TREE: http://static.ivygateblog.com.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/tree.jpg

[9] campanile: http://web.mst.edu/~rogersda/hs&college_years/The%20Campanile%20at%20Berkeley.jpg

[10] bigger: http://sanfrancisco.about.com/b/2009/02/17/a-view-from-a-campanile.htm

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