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A funny thing happened on the way to the gay club

Posted By Ryan Roschke On Mar 19, 2012 @ 12:05 pm In Sandbox | Comments Disabled


Since we’re all in such close proximity in San Francisco, we figured it was only going to be a matter of time before we had to talk about gay things [1]. More specifically, we’re talking gay clubs, because gay or straight, we’re pretty sure you’ve already been to (or are going to go to) one at some point or another. And, whether you’re a club veteran or a newbie, we figure you can always use some advice on how to behave accordingly (in various situations). So, next time you head to a gay club [2], here are some things to keep in mind:

For gay boys:

- If you go to a club with a group of girlfriends who have established that they just want to blow off some steam and dance for the night, chances are they aren’t going to be too thrilled if you ditch them for some cute boy on the dance floor. That being said, if they give you the green light and/or offer to be a wing woman in the process, feel free to drop it like it’s hot. Also, if a straight guy swoops in and your girlfriend isn’t down, be ready and available to save her from impending doom.

- On a similar note, one of the best ways to get closer to a cute boy is to first establish a good rapport with his lady friends. Dance all up on them, lip-synch some Lady GaGa [3] in their faces. Offer them a sip of your watered down really well-made drink! Instant bonus points, we promise.

- If he’s texting on his phone or looking desperately over to his friends for help while you’re trying to dance all up on him, chances are he’s just not that into you [4]. Or maybe he has a boyfriend?

- We realize it’s really awesome that you memorized the “Single Ladies” [5] dance. But so did about 14 other gay boys on the dance floor.

- Kissing on the dance floor? Go for it. Making out? Not everyone’s style but more power to you. But when it comes to any and all other activities, you might want to keep it in your pants and take it elsewhere.

For gay girls:

- Yes she was gorgeous, and yes she made out with you. The next step is to figure out if she’s just a drunk and friendly girl or if she’s actually down. Also, either way, make sure she doesn’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend (actually, that kind of goes for everyone on this list, so take note).

- One of the best ways to get closer to a really cute girl is by getting in there and winning over her gay friends. Put on your flirting pants and start making some business connections. You’ll get there.

- Make a full assessment before you write someone off. Some of the cutest boys are secretly just really hot lesbian girls. [6]

- Lesbians sometimes travel in packs. If you find one and think she’s not your style, keep a sharp look out for some of her club companions. There’s a chance one of them might suit your fancy.

- That gay boy might be elbowing you in the face over and over, but he doesn’t mean it. He’s just really proud that he memorized the “Single Ladies” dance.

For straight girls:

- We know you just went to have fun. And someone just grabbed your ass. Before you get incensed and slap whoever it is that happens to be dancing behind you, make sure it’s not just a gay boy who thinks you’re like, really fabulous. However, if it’s a creepy straight guy, slap away.

- Careful if you’re not down for some girl action. Some of the cutest boys are secretly just really hot lesbian girls (see what we did there?).

- Yes, there are straight guys who sometimes go to gay clubs, and they’re not always the cream of the crop. There’s a weird pocket of older straight men who have greasy ponytails and wear Oakley sunglasses inside and prowl the dance floor for cute and innocent straight girls. Be wary. And keep your gay friends close.

- There are, however, also straight men [7] who happen to be comfortable enough with their sexuality to go to a gay club. While these are few and far between, you should keep one if you find one and you’re interested. But bear in mind some people might be weirded out if there’s an intense heterosexual make out sesh on a gay dance floor.

- For some reason, there always seems to be at least one straight go-go boy. Find him and throw some dollars and get some kisses, if you feel inclined. We’re sure he’ll enjoy the attention.

For straight boys:

-No sunglasses inside.

-Don’t be a creeper. If you want to dance with a girl, approaching from the front is a lot more welcome.

-Don’t go if you’re not okay with some gay attention. This is homosexual domain, after all.

- If you want to get close to a straight girl, a good idea is to get on the good side of her gay friends. It goes a long way (do you see a trend here?).

So that’s that. We hope now that you’re better equipped for your next clubbing experience. Of course, this is a pretty general review, and there are plenty of situations that haven’t been addressed, so we also recommend you use your good drunken judgment and try your best. That is, if you’re not too blacked out to remember …

Image source: Jon Buchanan [8] under Creative Commons

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URL to article: http://clog.dailycal.org/2012/03/19/a-funny-thing-happened-on-the-way-to-the-gay-club/

URLs in this post:

[1] gay things: http://clog.dailycal.org/2012/03/08/relax-heres-another-kind-of-stress-balls/

[2] next time you head to a gay club: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTN6Du3MCgI

[3] Lady GaGa: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cggNqDAtJYU&ob=av3e

[4] he’s just not that into you: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1001508/

[5] “Single Ladies”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY

[6] really hot lesbian girls.: http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/

[7] straight men: http://hipsterorgay.tumblr.com/

[8] Jon Buchanan: http://www.flickr.com/photos/19thframe/5182827904/sizes/m/in/photostream/

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