It’s been eight years since Chancellor Berdahl relinquished his reign over the university. Now, Chancellor Birgeneau is stepping Looks Can Kill (1)down at the end of the semester – check that, at the end of the school year… the old man just can’t seem to make up his mind. Now, we could focus on how he’s inherently likable as a Canadian, originally from one of the schools that tied us in world rankings, or one of the most cited physicists across the globe, but that’s all validating and boring.

Instead, let’s focus on his just-announced replacement. In choosing Nicholas B. Dirks as the 10th Chancellor, the university’s advisory committee has proven that first impressions are important, and of course, that looks can kill.

Considering he’s a Professor of Anthropology, he must have gotten that look from a long-lost textbook. The abundant mustache adds for a touch of distinction, and his lowered spectacles allow him to peer up at you over the top of them in a menacing fashion. If his prep team allows him to grow out his hair, he’d probably adopt Einstein’s crazed scientist look after a few rigorous years as Chancellor.

Are we missing something? Holy shit, he has a unibrow! At least that makes it so that he can’t inquisitively raise a single eyebrow at you. Preliminary reports suggest that barber shops on Telegraph Ave. may have trouble finding business considering the immediate fad he has brought about in excessive facial hair. Future-chancellor Dirks continues the trend of high profile money-makers sporting the unintentionally comical look.

Looks Can Kill (3)

Though Anthony Davis will not be coming to play for Cal, Dirks is expected to adopt the moniker “The ‘Brow” on his first day in office.

Image source: Eileen Barroso, Columbia University (Top) / Ammon Beckstrom under Creative Commons (Right)

a6864067 said:
Jan 1, 2013 at 4:19 pm

I’ve said that least 6864067 times. SKC was here…