It didn’t take long for our namesake to show up on LiveJournal’s AnonCon, but that doesn’t stop us from procrastinating writing about it. If we cared or had a collective Facebook profile, we would undoubtedly request to join the elite support-group-turned-honor-society that is We Got Slandered on AnonCon.

But while we love talking or reading about ourselves, we not-so anonymously confess that we adore the anonymous author of this post. It is precisely this sentiment that has inspired so many frustrated Clog posts about tree people and various other protests and happenings around campus.

And if anyone still worries about Allison Stokke (and we’re judging it’s at least a handful from our handy Google keyword statistics), have no fear–she’s mentioned on AnonCon this year! But for those of us who aren’t stalking her on Google, we also don’t really care enough to note that her celebrity status in the LiveJournal community is more limited.

If you’re of the LiveJournal type (or even if not), enjoy the last few thousand comments of AnonCon part II while supplies last. Meanwhile, we have tree people to gawk at and pirate mail to read.

With all the hype about incoming pole vaulter Allison Stokke, we decided to take a closer look at UC Berkeley’s class of 2011. We’ll try to be nice, but we can’t promise anything.

One thing’s for sure—this group is mighty eager. We present exhibit A, the event Berkeley Class of 2011 Freshman Roll Call!! (because one exclamation point just wouldn’t do it justice). About 256 members plan to go and 78 say maybe to the tradition of rolling down 4.0 Hill. The hill may see the most frosh ass it’s ever had in one day.

Kids, the Clog would like to let you know that we still haven’t gotten a 4.0. Don’t major in English.

The freshmen’s happy-go-lucky attitude almost scares us:

bq. First of all, Karen has this rocking new title for the event which is Roll CAL. lol and second of all, one of our goals shall henceforth be to make this event so bangin awesome

We are sad to admit we were once so jubilant too. They’re too joyous and too loving. More than 100 freshies joined the group Unit 1: I love my 2011 UC Berkeley habitat!, so happy to have a place called not-quite-home-but-where-we-will-consume-massive-amounts-of-Ramen. There’s one thread going on about Freeborn, the substance-free building of Unit 1.

“People who don’t need unnatural substances to make them feel better unite!,” one guy exclaimed. He will soon be smoking cloves just like everyone else.

And guess what? Someone’s “bringing the pixie sticks, AND the caffeinated beverages. what now.”

Maybe they should join The Party Group of UCB 2011. This team of freshmen is super organized and taking initiative … to have a beer pong tourney. It’s yet another freshman tradition.

If the phrase “2011 UC Berkeley habitat” wasn’t bad enough, get ready for the kicker.

Berkeley Survivers 2007-2011. Excellence, with an “e.”

They’re in it to win it. They’re sticking it to the man:

bq. “Cal, I will not only reach but surpass all of the expectations I have for myself at this university.” BTW, you should still join even if your goal is just to party and get trashed; we can help you do that as well! :)

Oh, childrens.

No pervy shots of an unsuspecting 18 year old student athlete?! What the hell kind of encyclopedia is this?! Apparently, the lack of an Allison Stokke Wikipedia entry is causing a bit of a controversy. We thought the Stokke celebrity-rama would end quickly, but somehow the story keeps going.So people across the country are currently exclaiming, “Dude, I can’t believe Wikipedia won’t post pics of this famous hot teenage pole vaulter.” Wrap your mind around that one.

Anyway, the whole incident proves what the Clog’s grandma always told us: “If you don’t want old perverts to ogle you on the information superhighway, you really shouldn’t take up collegiate pole vaulting.”

Remember way back when we discussed the incoming freshman class? Little did we know that one of them would be making news … before her time at Cal.

Allison Stokke, a high school senior, is coming to Cal to join the track and field team. Despite her great athleticism, Stokke’s not getting attention for her pole vaulting. Instead, she’s getting oggled.

See that video up there? It sure isn’t great television, but it’s been viewed over 300,000 times.

It all started on With Leather, a sports blog run by Matt Ufford. On May 8, Ufford introduced Stokke with “hubba hubba and other grunting sounds.” Granted, he did mention her talent:

bq. Miss Stokke is one of the best young pole vaulters in the country. She set the U.S. record for a freshman girl at 12’8″, and her present personal best is a couple inches off the best high school girls mark. So, that’s why I’m honoring her with a post. Because she’s an exceptional athlete. Yes.

The post got some very interesting attention, to say the least. One commenter chimed, “She can vault my pole any time.” Har har.

To Stokke, it wasn’t funny. Washington Post reports she got 1,000 messages on her MySpace. Now her father’s looking through message boards to pick out potential stalkers.

Wait a minute. Stokke talked to Washington Post, but she doesn’t want any more attention? Isn’t that kinda … well … counterintuitive?

But really, stop being pervy. You’re acting like you’ve never seen an attractive girl before.

Her “athleticism” earned her multiple Facebook groups, some of which have popped up in a matter of 24 hours. The two largest, however, existed prior to the Post article.

Fine, fine, here are your obligatory links: I’m Stoked For Stokke!!! and Fans of Allison Stokke.

In response to the article, Ufford posted more pictures of Stokke with “written permission of the photographer.” So much for sympathy.

So good job, Washington Post. An article complaining about unwanted attention manages to generate even more attention. It seems like the next step is for Stokke to start dating Enrique Iglesias and then star in his steamy music video.

Hey, at least she’s prettier than Jonny Moseley.

Teen Tests Internet’s Lewd Track Record [Washington Post]