“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,” a biblical man once said in some biblical book.

Winter break provided some much needed rest for many of our finals-ravaged students. Some took the break to come down from their Adderall high, while others sipped hot cocoa and made snow angels. However, some didn’t see the holidays as calming as others. For those who feel the need to de-stress by committing felonies (see burning christmas tree), there are other ways to do so this year! With midterms rearing around the corner for many people, here are some new ways to avert your frustration…

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So it seems that we’ve been a bit behind with your local love needs. So sue us (please don’t). It’s not like we haven’t been horribly busy, and it’s not like we’re not keeping you up to date on the blogosphere’s interest in sexiness. We know it’s tough to search Craigslist for your own sexual encounters, so we’ve decided to come back from our accidental hiatus to (wait for it) . . . bring sexy back. Alright.

Let’s get the ball rolling nice and slow—such as a sweet, simple kiss. It’s cute, it’s idealistic and it’s something we’ve all wanted at some point, even if we’re stuck wondering if there’s some innuendo we’re missing. Either way, this isn’t the only time he’s gone looking for a quick peck. So here you go, kiddo: Muah!

In a lovely juxtaposition, this lazy boy seems to drop most of the romanticism from the not-terribly-romantic art of the casual encounter. He’s up for “something,” as long as it doesn’t actually involve too much effort on his part, like walking a few blocks. You’re breaking our heart here.

Granted, at least the lazy ones don’t make us think of used car salesmen. WRITING IN ALL CAPITALS WILL GET ATTENTION, UNDOUBTEDLY. IT’S LIKE YELLING AND BEING EXCITED AND HAVING FLASHING TEXT THAT SAYS, “BUY, BUY, BUY,” BUT IN TYPE. Yeah, not so much. And what the hell is he getting at with the post title, “HAVIN GOOD SEX AND SAVE.. FOR TODAY AND FOR THE WEEKEND”? If that doesn’t sound like Big Joe’s Used Autos, we don’t know what does.

And we know that the French are sexy (at least that’s the stereotype as we know it), but this is kind of ridiculous. We’re not going to jump your bones just because you have a killer hot accent which can make us fall hopelessly into lust in less than a sentence, wanting to rub you up and down and . . . wait, sorry, lost our train of thought. Damn French and their sexiness.

That being said, we have to go and umm . . . shower. Now go get laid.

Casual Encounters [Craigslist Personals]
Earlier: Casual Fridays: Anonymously Confessing Your Need to Just Be Loved/Laid

It’s Friday, and that means it’s casual. The weather may be a bit too cold for your liking, so we’re going to bring you some heat.

And Craigslist is getting hotter, we tell you. Honestly, we might have to start using it…if we were a gay man. All the hotties on CL are queer. What’s up with that?

When we first saw Sir Stud, we actually said (not just thought), “Wow.” When we saw Sir Stud again, well, let’s just say one of our hands was busy.

He’s a 22-year-old Asian college student looking to meet up at Steamworks for a little mano a mano. Be a friend and lend the boy a helping hand.

We’d tap that.

Highlighter man is looking for someone to pack his fudge (it’s his first time). Guess the odd goods at Berkeley aren’t doing much for this straight dude. He’s even been gearing up for a little winding down:

i’ve been experimenting with sticking things into my butt and it feels so good. (usually use a highlighter)

We hope that’s one thick highlighter otherwise honey’s going to be in for a rude awakening. Take deep breaths, relax, and don’t forget the AstroGlide.

The budding erotica writer(NSFW) got our juices flowing. Along with a vag shot and a booty pic, the ad for this grad student (Asian and queer, again!) boasts a saucy taste of things to come. Might be just us, but we thought she was talking poonani until she mentioned “saliva”:

Your wet lips part as I draw closer. The anticipation is intoxicating; your smell brings the aggressive out in me. You feel weak in my grasp, like you want to bend to my will. I love it. I am going to have you my way. Now. My fingers wind into your hair so I can control your head, I pull your head toward me, toward my mouth. I part your slick lips with my tongue and shivers run through me as I taste your saliva. I plunge my tongue deep into your mouth, taste all your sweetness. I inhale your juices, they fuel my power. I can’t wait for you anymore I want you now, here.

Damn. We should get her to start an erotica publication at UC Berkeley.

Casual Encounters [Craigslist Personals]
Earlier: Casual Fridays: Find Your Spring Fling on Craigslist

It’s so hard to find a measly date at UC Berkeley, even with your powerful Berkeley goggles prescription. It makes us want to screw the dating and just get straight to the screwing. Nothing a paper bag over the head can’t handle.

And we at the Clog care about the student body’s sexual needs. We’re getting laid regularly, but we understand that those who aren’t may need a little extra help. So here it is, from us to you: Craigslist made easy.

You know, why let loose on just Fridays? Every day is casual when you’ve got the best of CL’s personals at your fingertips.

Are you a lucky lady looking for some loving? We’ve got some lusty lads longing for a little of your luscious legs (and what’s in between). Who knows? You may fall in love–or make some.

If you’ve got a “clean shaven kitty” (and we don’t think he means a Mr. Bigglesworth), bachelor no. 1 may be the man for you. This one’s got quite the wit. He claims, “I know of a couple parties in berkeley and we can get down at those, then get down on each other. I am especially looking forward to the latter.” Me-ow!

Need equality in bed? Bachelor no. 2 wants to wear out your welcome mat. He’s going to bone his petite miss

bq. To the point that she is pulling my hair out, because my face is buried deep into her most private of areas delivering TOO MUCH pleasure. Or maybe her voice reaches that certain pitch, she has to bite her lip, and closeher eyes from the continuous pounding from the front and of course from the behind.

We hope you accept packages at your back door. It looks like this one will deliver.

Maybe you’re missing out ’cause you’re out of town this weekend. Umm, hate to break it to you, but…your boy’s cheating on you. With men. Not-so-bachelor no. 3 is “lookin for brothaly luv” while you’re out of town. But boys, “if you can rock like a porn star,” then you best act now. He’s even got a cock shot. Schaa-wing.

Casual Encounters [Craigslist Personals]