It might be difficult to believe, but while you’ve all been huddled in the depths of the Main Stacks, Berkeley has been misbehaving. And not in the fun way (well, except for those naked folks). Here’s a quick recap of some of the less legal goings on of the past week.

Friday, May 11, 2007
6:01 p.m., Dwinelle Hall: Report of a suspicious package. Proved OK.

Nice try, but you’re still going to have to take that final, kiddo.

Saturday, May 12, 2007
9:30 a.m., Unit 3: Vandalism via chalk.

That’s odd. We thought the ASUC elections were over.

12:08 p.m., Peoples’ Park: Possession of an airsoft gun.

Personally, we’d say an airsoft gun is less threatening than a lot of things in Peoples’ Park.

5:37 p.m., Greek Theatre: Male reports injury during course of arrest. Will seek own medical attention.

5:42 p.m., Greek Theatre: Male reports injury during course of arrest. Will seek own medical attention.

Stop complaining about your O-Chem final. At least you didn’t get arrested in the process of getting mindfucked.

Sunday, May 13, 2007
2:37 a.m., Unit 1-Slottman Hall: Victim of alcohol-related illness.

Really, REALLY should have been studying. But who hasn’t made the mistake of saying, “Well, one little drink won’t hurt,” when you’re going through six weeks of lecture notes?

Monday, May 14, 2007
8:44 a.m., Haste Street: Report of theft of children’s playground furniture.

Because stealing candy from a child is just too easy.

6:08 p.m., International House Library: Report of theft of eleven books.

Maybe the thief just couldn’t find them in the library. Books on “The Aggressive Behavior of Sealions Between the Ages of Two and Four” can be awfully hard to come by.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007
11:00 a.m., Peoples’ Park: Dog not on a leash.

Oh. The. Humanity.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007
9:00 p.m., Unit 2-Loading dock: Dumpster diving.

Why is this even illegal? It’s good exercise, it’s cost effective and you don’t have to stray too far from you dorm room.

PoLo is compiled from the UC Police Department’s online Daily Activity Bulletin.
Earlier: PoLo: All Hot and Bothered over Water