This monkey is as perplexed as you are. That or its head itches.

Actually, that was a lie; we only know almost all. We do, however, hereby solemnly swear that for the one percent of things in the universe that we do not, we will seek out the people who do. Having cleared that out of the way, we welcome you, our faithful Clog readers, to send us all those pressing life-or-death questions that you have churning around inside that avidly curious and ferociously intelligent little Berkeley mind of yours, like “Will I go deaf if I make it a habit of attending carillon concerts in the Campanile?”, “Does my complete subsistence on DC late night food mean I’m going to die in five years’ time?” or “How should I react if I’m approached by a man wearing a polka-dot jumpsuit?”

Ask us anything at [email protected]. We’ll feature our first question as soon as we get it (assuming, of course, that it is not something as asinine as “Why are your poll questions always inside jokes?” or “How do I get laid?”).

Waiting to hear from you,
The Omniscient Clog

Image source: Michael Keen via Creative Commons

OK, we really wanted to try to avoid making too many dirty jokes, but even if we played this straight, it would still sound pretty funny:

The San Francisco Zoo wants you to name its anaconda. Oh yeaaaahhh. Ahem. Sorry about that. As the grand prize winner, you will get the naming rights, along with a “unique behind-the-scenes experience” for you and ten of your BFFs, PLUS a “large,” “plush” stuffed snake. We know you’d like to get your hands on that.

Anyway, the reptile in question is a male, and green. The deadline is October 8. And we’re guessing that in terms of names, their anaconda don’t want none unless you got puns, hun!  (Annd facepalm.)

The Badger Song (original) badger badger badger x3 mushroom snake [YouTube]


This is Berkeley, so you won’t be surprised that there’s a community drum circle. Somehow it just seemed inevitable. Even the obvious trustafarian joke is just too easy. However, we’re betting that you didn’t know the details. In fact, there’s going to be a monthly community drumming meeting at Ashkenaz Music Center (1317 San Pablo Avenue) this Saturday Sept. 18 from 4-5:30.

The cost is $10 at the door and $4 for a rented drum (although you’re asked to RSVP for a rented drum). Anyone is welcome (seriously, even pets were mentioned in the article) but you should remember that this is a “hands-on facilitated drum circle event.”

Also, and we’re not making this up, it’s sponsored by a group called DRUMMM. The extra M’s intrigue us. What do they mean? The commMMunity will have to find out for itself.

Image source: stevendepolo under Creative Commons
Community drum circle at Ashkenaz, Berkeley [San Francisco Examiner]


Oh dear sweet baby Moses alive. Gah. There’s just … SO much that is terrifying about this “ASUC-sponsored geolocation service.” We mean, first of all, it was started by four Stanfurd grads. But that’s only strike one.

On top of that, it’s “like Foursquare.” Which — in case you haven’t heard of it yet — could be the douchiest social networking platform to date, not to mention the stalker-est. And that should tell you something, because douchebaggy oversharing and unapologetic stalking don’t often blend together in such perfect harmony. No offense if you’re, like, the mayor of La Burrita or something. read more »