Who doesn’t love Cal football? In addition to the brilliant athletes winning on the field, our football games feature a wide variety of really interesting fans. Here is a list of just five of those people:

The Enforcer


The Enforcer doesn’t go to the football game for kicks and giggles. He has an important job to do: to make sure that no one is wearing red. Or sitting down. He spends the game not watching the game, but searching the aisles for violators of the Bear Code. Once he finds those people, he uses his peer pressure taser to shame the offending party into submission. He goes to bed each night knowing that football games are a little more school spirited as a result of his actions. To all the Enforcers out there, we salute you.

The Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore

The Enforcer’s nemesis, the Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore is a hallmark of stupidity and381481692_9f7851e393_z provocation. Something about not wearing red just seems incredibly difficult for this person. Or maybe he/she simply enjoys five thousand people screaming at them to not sit during the game. Either way, there’s always at least one at each game.

The Girl Who’s There Just For the Pictures

Now, this kind of behavior can be found in men, but a LOT more with women. You know the type. These ladies have no interest in football, but are there solely as an opportunity to flaunt their duck face. They take literally dozens of pictures. And then there’s the ridiculous amount of make-up. Poor Oskie. We would put her picture here, but that’s just what she wants.

The Guy Who Knows Everyone On The Team


Just to be clear, he doesn’t. He just acts like he does because he lives in a deluded world. You can catch him shouting congratulations to Keenan after a good run, or yelling his praise to Marc for a solid tackle. He probably even believes he’s on the team. He is easy to spot — just look for a douchebag.

The Angry Guy

This young man is passionate about football.1546923312_5d25fc857e_q How passionate? Blood boiling, spittle flying, arms flapping passionate. He spends the entire game coming up with new ways to curse the other team, which he hates more than anything else on the planet. Give this guy a wide berth every time the other team scores. Or he might punch you in the face.

Image source: Paul Keller, armisteadbookeraye_shamus and chexed under Creative Commons.


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

Breaking news everyone: the world record for greatest distance covered by a paper airplane has been SHATTERED by none other than former Cal Quarterback Joe Ayoob. We here at The Daily Clog know exactly what you’re thinking.

“There was a paper airplane record?”

“Who is Joe Ayoob?”

“Breaking news?”

All joking aside, here are the facts: read more »

The Clog would be amiss to say that it’s surprised that the Golden Bears lost yesterday to Stanfurd 20-13. In fact, we would go as far to say that the entire student section was expecting a loss after seeing how Nate Longshore was throwing the ball during the first offensive series. He once again was able to find the open receivers but consistently under threw the majority of his passes.Coach Jeff Tedford’s ironclad faith in his quarterback (the last time another QB took a snap was during the Oregon State game) has caused the once-savior of Cal football to lose some of his luster. This game was once again marked by continuous calls from the student section for Kevin Riley to replace Nate-Nate. How ironic is it that the person who made the single biggest blunder of the season has his name chanted the most during games?The Clog would like to sympathize with Lavelle Hawkins, who played his last Big Game. After making many jaw-dropping catches throughout the entire season, the Hawk dropped two passes that would have brought the Bears within a PAT of a tie. The Hawk is likely loading up blame upon himself but should rest assured that no one is singling him out for the loss.The Golden Bears also consistently ran into trouble with the referees. Bonehead plays led to the Bears racking up 88 more yards in penalties than the Cardinal. A complete lack of focus did the Bears in.Oddly enough, even with the loss Cal was given a bid to the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. The Clog, for one, would like to respectfully decline the invitation because this Golden Bears team does not deserve to have a post-season game.Moving beyond the depressing outcome, the Clog was impressed with the newly rebuilt Stanford Stadium. The breathtaking stadium was built in only 42 weeks, yet we’re still putting the final touches on the Underhill parking lot. Even with a new stadium and the fact that the Cardinal’s arch nemesis was in town, Stanfurd’s overflow student section was more than half-empty.To add to that, the tailgating at the Big Game was lacking a certain element. Stanfurd alumni seemed to be unaware of the fact that the Big Game was taking place in a mere few hours. For most of them it was a time to meet up with some old friends and possibly attend the actual football game. Such is the sorry state of Cardinal football, but things look like they are turning around under the stewardship of Coach Jim Harbaugh.The entire day for Cal athletics wasn’t a loss. The Cal men’s water polo team beat Navy to once again place itself in the national championship game. Today it finished off the tournament with a win over USC for its 13th championship. Also, the Golden Bears basketball squad notched another win to remain undefeated. Unfortunately, the Clog was not able to be present for the Bear’s biggest out-of-conference game because of poor scheduling.Image Source: George Derk, Daily CalCal Loses the Axe After 20-13 Loss in 110th Big Game [The Daily Cal]

The Golden Bears managed to kickoff to start both the first and second half in a 38-23 loss to the Washington Huskies. The Clog was confused with how this outcome was even possible and had to consult The Band is Out On The Field where reader WarrenHarding explained what transpired.

Apparently, Cal won the toss and chose to “kickoff” to start the half instead of “deferring.” If Cal “deferred,” the Golden Bears would have had the choice to “kickoff” or “receive” coming out of halftime.

Instead, we used up our chance to choose by saying “kickoff.” When the captains came out prior to the start of the second half, Washington logically chose to “receive,” thus creating the rare event of one team receiving the opening kickoff of a half twice in one game.

If you’re still confused, it’s perfectly understandable since it’s irrational as to why “kickoff” is an option in the first place. This move has to go up there as second to Kevin Riley’s failed scramble for most boneheaded plays of Cal’s 2007 football season.

Image Source: Nate Tabak, Daily Cal
California Golden Bears v. Washington Huskies Play-by-Play [ESPN.com]
Postgame Thread [The Band is Out On The Field]

The injury bug is back in Berkeley and looking to ruin the men’s basketball team’s season once again. After a closer-than-expected win over Southern Mississippi on Wednesday night, the Golden Bears can ill afford any more injuries.

The Clog got a scare when Ryan Anderson did not accompany the team out of the locker room at halftime. After the Cloggers recited several Hail Mary’s in unison, Anderson finally jogged out—apparently his eyes were bothering him.

Already two expected starters—Jerome Randle (kidney biopsy) and Theo Robertson (hip injury)—are on the sidelines, but they’re both expected to be back for Pac-10 play. Dare we say that with Randle not playing our turnovers will go down? Yea … we’re going to get some hate for saying that.

On top of that, Omondi Amoke underwent surgery for a vascular calf abnormality (five points to anyone who knows what that is).

Also, Taylor Harrison was sitting out of the home opener (in a pink shirt no less, guess he’s too cool for the Jumpman sweats), but the Clog is guessing it’s just his knee flaming up (thankfully not on the level of Shaun Livingston).

Not that anyone cares, except for maybe 30-40 people, but the star of the Cal women’s basketball team, Devanei Hampton, also went down with a serious knee injury a week ago.

In light of these ailments, we scrounged up some money to get the boys a membership at Funky Door Yoga (we’ll try to send them to Bora Bora next year). Somehow we doubt Max Zhang will ever be able to touch his toes even after some intense Bikram yoga sessions.

The Clog would also like to encourage everyone out there with a higher risk for catching the flu to roll up their sleeves and take a trip down to the Tang Center. If our prayers pan out, you wouldn’t want to be stuck in bed while we roll through the Pac-10.

Image Source: Nick Fradkin, Daily Cal
Injuries Abound for Cal in Ubaka’s Final Season [Daily Cal]
Return of Hardin Has New-Look Bears Stacked in the Frontcourt [Daily Cal]

The Trojans trumped the Golden Bears for the fourth consecutive year in less than ideal conditions at Memorial Stadium last night. The game closed at 24-17.

Coach Jeff Tedford once again proved incapable of subbing in Kevin Riley for consistent-at-being-inconsistent quarterback Nate Longshore. Nate-Nate threw several befuddling passes, including an interception in the fourth quarter that all but sealed the game. Recurring trend anyone (think UCLA, ASU)? The Clog, for one, would like to see Nate-Nate start his Mormon mission sooner rather than later.

The non-stop rain drenched the playing field, as well as everyone who was in attendance. Players were slipping all over the turf in the first quarter as they attempted to adjust to the poor conditions. The student section stuck it out to the bitter end, but the Clog did notice an unusually large number of empty seats after halftime—shame on you, alumni.

The Clog even found disappointment on the sidelines with the USC Song Girls. Instead of their normally highly entertaining performances in short skirts, the Song Girls looked comical at best, prancing on the sidelines in ponchos. (That could actually pass as a picture of them.) No word yet if one of the Song Girls was caught cheering following Lavelle Hawkins’ redonkulous touchdown reception.

As far as our Uni Watch goes, we weren’t huge fans of the 1975 throwback uniforms worn in honor of Joe Roth. We did, however, like the helmets, which bore a striking resemblance to those of the Green Bay Packers.

The Clog is also happy to report that fourth quarter Cal Mic Man, Christian “Ian” Villanueva, was back after being the victim of a stabbing incident that put him on the disabled list for the Washington State game. Additionally, the Clog would like to applaud Mic Man Harris Cohn who bowed out gracefully following his last home football game. Harris, you were always our favorite.

Image Source: Jayson Dana, Daily Cal
Longshore’s Late Pick Drops Cal Once Again [Daily Cal]

A mere four weeks ago Saturday’s meeting between USC and Cal was one of the year’s most anticipated games. And now … with no GameDay crew setting up on Sproul and no BCS game in the mix, people are searching for reasons to show up.

So in comes the Clog ready to do its civic duty by bolstering everyone’s spirits before game day arrives. Here are our quick three reasons not to blackout while pre-gaming and actually get our butts over to Memorial Stadium.

1) Bowl Game Implications: Yes, we realize that the Rose Bowl isn’t at stake here, but do you really want to see us in the Las Vegas Bowl? OK, maybe you do so you have an excuse to take a visit down to the Strip, but fourth place in the Pac-10 is too low for our liking.

2) USC’s Ego: This weekend Berkeley will be home to all those smug USC students, including their entire Greek system. The Clog would hate for them to have the opportunity to fill their six-hour ride back to South Central with voicemails and text messages boasting their superiority and the fact that Will Ferrell, Snoop Dogg and Nick Lachey show up to their games while we get the dude from Counting Crows.

3) Recruiting: This game is also important for the future of Cal football. With the new athletic center still several years away, coach Jeff Tedford has to show athletes hedging between Cal and USC that the Bears’ football program is among the elite in the nation. As of now, we’re running a distant third to USC and UCLA in the race of Pac-10 rivals to sign prized recruits.

In other news, our men’s basketball team won its preseason game against the Nanooks of the University of Alaska Fairbanks (don’t laugh at the nickname, they’re the reigning Division I champs in rifle shooting.) Devon Hardin was back to his beastly self and Jamal (correction: Jordan) Wilkes knocked down some big shots (both players suffered major injuries last season.)

Go Bears, and break the Trojans!

Image Source: Allison Porterfield, Daily Cal
Cal rises in victory, sets up conference race with USC [ESPN.com]
Cal hoping to bounce back with statement win against Trojans [ESPN.com]

Look, we don’t want to get into that game from last year. It hurt too much. But, for those of you new to Cal football…When the Bears opened against the Vols in 2006, it was an unmitigated disaster. The Tennessee guys ripped us to the tune of a 35 point lead through the third quarter. Many Cal students had dreams of a championship. After that game? Ummm, not so much.So after an unbearable break from the great American sport, we face the same very orange team on opening day. Thankfully, this shot at sweet redemption is at home. Here’s what to look for.

  • The Clog sobbing uncontrollably if DeSean Jackson gets injured. 
  • No damned parking. Anywhere.
  • The Bears owning, thanks to a key difference from last year’s debacle. The underrated change is simply that we won’t have to face the brain-cramping onslaught of neon orange. This is by far the most important aspect of home field advantage against these Vols. The sight of a puke-inducing, sea of highlighter fluid-colored shirts is enough to make even the best teams screw up. It’s unfair. You’re trying to win a football game, and your brain thinks you’ve been transported to the 1970s from hell. The NCAA should make this tactic illegal.
  • Look, we don’t know about Longshore. He was inconsistent last year, and often faltered when it mattered most. But ESPN.com tells us that the pirate-named dude has improved massively. According to them, he’s an elite college quarterback. ESPN can never be wrong, so look for Nato to put up 300 yards.

The finally analysis is this: The Bears have the best player (The blur of light known as DeSean) and the better team. Last year was brutal, but we shouldn’t expect a repeat. The Vols don’t have WRs and their QB is a gimp. The Clog boldly predicts a glorious trouncing.Prediction: Bears 34, Vols 14.

*Leading Off…Seriously, Who Is This Cal Baseball Team?*
We’ve been thoroughly amazed at what has transpired the last month or so for Esquer’s Bears. The last few years, Cal baseball has either started fast and finished terribly slow or just began terribly and finished terribly-er.

But this year seems different. After taking the first two games from USC on the weekend, putting the Bears in prime shape to sweep a perennial Pac-10 power today at Evans Diamond, Cal may be making a case for a postseason berth.

If that happens, then maybe the “team-bonding” was a good thing. Ehh, actually, we change our minds. Maybe Esquer just learned how to coach.

*Women’s Tennis Elite*
It’s not everyday when your best player doesn’t play well, gets beat and you still move on to the semifinals of the NCAA tournament.

That’s what the women’s tennis team did over the weekend, upsetting No. 2 Georgia –let’s repeat NO. 2 GEORGIA–on the road, in Georgia, to advance to the final four.

The semifinals against the Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech is today. Wow, one step away from the finals and a potential match with No. 1 Stanfurd.

*Falling Flat on Their Faces*
We know our boy Michael Silver over at SI.com loves his alma mater. That’s why on his weekly column he showcases why “The University of California is the Center of the Universe.”

We love the guy. He’s great. But he’s also a softball homer. Which isn’t bad, except for the embarrassing 13-1 beat down the Bears received at the hands of Alabama, which eliminated Cal from the NCAA tournament.

Note to Mike: Don’t mention that this week.

*Golf is Still Hard to Understand*
Despite having one of the best team scores of the year, the men’s golf team still failed to advance out of the West Regional and into the NCAA championships.

Golf is probably the only sport in which this happens. No wonder no one likes it.

*Golden Bears*
_1) Cristina Visico – women’s tennis_
One quick overhand form Visico and the Bears were in the NCAA semis.

_2) Michael Brady – baseball_
Walk-off homer against the Trojans on Saturday and another big fly yesterday. Where’d al this Bears power come from?

_3) Michael Jensen – men’s golf_
Too bad the kid doesn’t get to go to the NCAAs.