OK, we really wanted to try to avoid making too many dirty jokes, but even if we played this straight, it would still sound pretty funny:

The San Francisco Zoo wants you to name its anaconda. Oh yeaaaahhh. Ahem. Sorry about that. As the grand prize winner, you will get the naming rights, along with a “unique behind-the-scenes experience” for you and ten of your BFFs, PLUS a “large,” “plush” stuffed snake. We know you’d like to get your hands on that.

Anyway, the reptile in question is a male, and green. The deadline is October 8. And we’re guessing that in terms of names, their anaconda don’t want none unless you got puns, hun!  (Annd facepalm.)

The Badger Song (original) badger badger badger x3 mushroom snake [YouTube]

After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

Well, you know times are tough when people are going all “stoic and zombie-like” and (possibly) trying to off themselves by jumping into bear pits. With real bears, a.k.a. godless killing machines and the number one threat to America.

That’s what happened on Sunday when a “transient” named Kenneth Herron somehow wrangled his way into the “grizzly bear grotto” (no joke) at the San Francisco Zoo. There’s a video of the thing, but we couldn’t figure out how to embed it. Alas. In any case, it’s pretty funny. In a mildly confusing kind of way.

Man Climbs Into Bear Enclosure at SF Zoo [SFist]
Stephen Colbert vs. Laser Bears [YouTube]
Earlier: Plastic Vortex